In Praise of Boundaries
Find the lion and puma hidden in the grass.
There was a farm family who owned a bull that was easily agitated and often caused problems around the farm. He was a bully. Barbed wire fences would not contain him.
As a last resort, the farmer surrounded the bull’s enclosure with a powerful electric fence. When the fence was energized the bull immediately began pacing the perimeter looking for a weakness, a way to get out. When none was found the bull settled down and was at peace with life.
It seems ironic that boundaries can make us free.
The farmer’s son didn’t like the electric fence because it meant that he couldn’t take a shortcut through the bull’s enclosure to get to the barn where he milked the cow.
After a month or so the boy asked his dad if they could turn off the fence so he could once again take the shortcut. The bull had calmed down and the fence seemed unnecessary. The father agreed, seeing this as a good teaching opportunity, but asked his son to sit and watch the bull for a while after turning off the fence. When the fence was switched off the electrical transformer stopped buzzing and immediately the bull took note. He quickly became agitated and paced the perimeter looking for a weakness in the barrier. Within minutes he broke through the fence and was once again causing problems around the farm.
In some ways, people, especially adolescents, are like the bull. Most of us like to know the boundaries. In a new situation, we test the perimeter and once the limits are known we feel better about life. The barrier or rules teach discipline and allow us to safely grow and build relationships. When we have mastered the rules we outgrow the enclosure and move on to a new part of life with new limits and boundaries. The boundaries may restrict us but they also keep us safe.
Note:
Reasonable, well defined and clearly articulated rules increase freedom.
What are some of the boundaries that keep you safe and make you free?
Some boundaries keep you safe, others limit your growth. How will you tell the difference? Hint, the ones that limit growth are often self-imposed.
PS
There is a prize for the first family member who finds the lion and a puma hidden in the foreground grass.
PPS
Here is one worthwhile boundary. When you are dating, never be in a situation where it is late, dark, you are tired and alone.